While the adult business has become way more mainstream than in my 1990s heyday, there is still a definite stigma surrounding everyone involved, past or present. This is something we all have to live with, whether proud or full of regret due to the indiscretions of youth. Thankfully, I am able to count myself as the former.
So, obviously, one of the biggest consequences of having been a successful porn star is being recognized in the real world on a regular basis. And, in my case, almost every time I leave the house! Maybe it’s because I live in the porn industry ground-zero that is California, or am lucky enough to still resemble the younger version of Vanessa Chase which fans remember – but I am not exaggerating. Rarely a day goes by when I don’t get “the look” from some guy at Trader Joe’s, Target, or just walking down the street. I’m still even recognized when I’m masked up. A lot!
The funniest part might be that it’s so predictable. Always starts with that same look. The guy will just stand there with a sort of lustful and knowing expression. Sometimes I pick up on a sense of shame on their part, followed quickly by a quick shift to… superiority? But these are the worst examples and I’ve long since learned to shrug them off in favor of well-meaning fans I actually enjoy interacting with.
The most brazen of the disturbing, quiet “fans” might even follow me around a store, just keeping a slight distance, without ever confirming the recognition by saying “hello”. They want the eye contact, they want to talk to me, they want to tell me their desires and how they still have a copy of one movie or another on DVD – but rarely do. And they must realize how uncomfortable that is for me – but play it out anyway. Don’t be that guy, guys!
For years after I left the business the creepy, staring eyes used to bother me. At one point I genuinely wanted to do everything I could to erase my past. Because the business isn’t all fun and games. Imagine being an eighteen-year-old woman dealing with such adversity. Your brain doesn’t even fully develop for another seven years! No one leaves this lifestyle unscathed.
After over a quarter century of running away from my surreal past, however, I’ve thankfully come to embrace it. And, most importantly, I learned to stop caring what the weird men, with their judgmental and beady-little-eyes, think of the Vanessa Chase of today. In fact, I’ve stopped caring to such a degree that I decided to come out of hiding and make something positive out of a lifestyle that has caused negativity and suffering to so many.
My return to the public eye is truly on my own terms. I’m hoping to use modern platforms to spread positivity and love. And hopefully some guidance to the young generation of adult performers. I want to learn from the naïve mistakes of my youth, and make something great from this bizarre legacy that I have created for myself. If you’ve found IAmVanessaChase.com, you’re already along for the ride.
Welcome back Vanessa! I’ve been a great fan for years and years! So happy to see you in your new venture!
I just hope you are happy
You actually seem like a nice person, which may sound silly, but some performers give you that feeling. These men that looked at you probably feel conflicted. They may want to approach you and say hello, but are afraid it will upset you, but because you are so attractive, they still feel drawn to you, but don’t want you to notice, because the vulnerability created by the need is embarrassing to them. So that’s why you get that “creepy” behavior; it’s a behavior derived from conflict and mixed emotions.
The USA has a sex negative culture that shames people for their sexuality. That culture inhibits men form matter of factly saying: “Hey, I’d just like to thank you for getting me through some lonely nights. I used to jerk off to your videos.” That same culture might also make you feel disgusted at such a confession, even though that was what you were making money off of.
Realistically, what are you supposed to do? Have sex with every single man that feels lustful thoughts for you? You would literally spend every waking moment of your life having sex, given how attractive you are. How is that fair to you? But by creating a video, every male on the planet with internet access gets a small taste of what it might be like, and is not longer TORTURED by wondering. Because that’s what it is like for most men, especially young men: constantly being tortured by all the beautiful women you will almost certainly never get to have sex with, never get to see naked, or even get to talk to, because they are taken, not interested in you, lesbians, asexual, or whatever. That’s just how it goes. But thanks to people who work in the adult film industry, at least millions of guys have some idea, some sense, of what it must be like.
And for that, I am eternally grateful. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of, nor do I think that any of the men who watched your videos. But they may feel differently. It is definitely an ambivalent, gray area. I personally prefer the adult industry existing, because I want to know. Other men are ashamed of their impulses and where it leads them, and they resent women like you for “tempting” them, and leading them astray.
Well, that’s their problem.
Anyway, keep being your amazing self.
Thanks a lot for all the time you put into that, Gordon. I’ve definitely never been ashamed, but it’s nice to hear you say all of that anyway.